Bisexual in a heterosexual relationship
Being Bisexual in Only Hetero Relationships
Writing by Penny Schiereck // Illustration by April Phillips
Being bisexual should be the best of both worlds. There’s no shortage of potential partners when you’re attracted to more than one gender. However, a problem arises when you’re a woman dating a man, or a man dating a woman. Suddenly, the legitimacy of your bisexuality is up in the air. Can you really be bisexual if you’ve only ever dated one gender? If you’ve only dated one gender, you must have finally chosen a side, and your bisexual identity is gone, right? Don’t let biphobic claims convince you, you can still be bisexual if you’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships. You’re just as bisexual as you always were.
It’s easy to leave mean comments and bullying obtain the better of you. You have probably asked yourself if you’re really bisexual, if you are just faking it for attention, or if you’re actually a lesbian but afraid to admit it. You’ve probably wondered if you’re “gay enough” to be a part of the LGBT+ community, how could you possibly be bisexual if you’ve
Most people know to anticipate some degree of change when they’re in a committed, long-term idealistic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable move of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people assume sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re gay or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.
That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as queer or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’tunheard of, a verb in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients fear that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive notion that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ b
What I've learned as a bisexual woman in a straight relationship
Exploring and understanding my bisexuality has been a lifelong journey; one that came to life in the European gay bars when I lived abroad in
As I made new friends, danced to Beyoncé songs, and watched drag queens take over the stage every Tuesday night, I felt free. I was unapologetically myself, and the sweaty strangers around me loved and accepted me for it.
After returning to the US, I wanted to find my first girlfriend. I didn't expect that a limited months later I would commence a long-term relationship with a straight man.
With my newfound happiness came a slew of questions. Will I still be accepted in queer spaces? How will I deal with people assuming that I'm straight, simply because of my partner's gender?
Bisexual people often exist in a gray area, simultaneously ostracized by the LGBTQ+ community as not "gay enough" and heterosexual people as not "straight enough." That may explain why, according to one recent study, most bisexual people say their friends and family don't know their
For almost my entire life, I thought I had to verb a side to define my sexuality.
When I was growing up, I remember people explaining what bisexuality meant. They said bisexual people were confused about where their attraction lies — boys or girls. Both was never an option.
This shaped how I felt about myself and why I thought I was heterosexual for a long time. In fact, it took me a while to admit to myself, and to others, that I was bisexual.
Bisexual people are often stereotyped as gay or straight depending on who they are in a relationship with. Bi-erasure is people’s tendency to avoid the existence of bisexuality; to me the bi-erasure and having people invalidate my sexuality has always hurt me the most.
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I was in middle school the first time I encountered bisexuality.
I remember one noun who came out as bisexual; she was dating another young woman and at the time, and everyone kept refe